New and Improved Jesus for Our Times!
Great stuff from Anthony Esolen - "A Modern Translation" in Crisis Magazine. Read the whole thing.
The Church, I’ve been hearing, has to change, if she is going to have any leverage with men and women of our time. What that means, of course, is that they would like a sexual permission slip. It’s the only thing they care about. What’s it to them, after all, if the Church does not change her teachings, even if she could? They don’t obey them anyway.
But perhaps they are setting their revisionary sights too low. Why change the Bride of Christ, when you might as well go for Christ Himself? Why trick out the bride in lingerie from Astarte’s Secret, you can put new words on the lips of the bridegroom, or give him a new interest?
So we need a Jesus who will fit; a god we can put in the cave to stay. I translate His words accordingly:
“Blessed are the modestly well off, for theirs are the good schools and the suburbs.”
“Blessed are they who chuckle, for they need not give a damn.”
“Blessed are they who believe in themselves, for they shall cover the earth.”
“Blessed are they who scoff at righteousness, for they shall be less than hypocrites.”
“Blessed are the indifferent, for they shall be left alone.”
“Blessed are the sly of heart, for they shall see porn.”
“Blessed are the compromisers, for they shall win elections.”
“Blessed are they who persecute the righteous, for they shall be called the children of God.”
“Blessed are they who use my name to do as they please, to win the applause of men, while putting down the ignorant and faithful, for theirs are the good schools and the suburbs.”
“You are the salt of the earth. The salt never loses its savor, so don’t worry about it.”
“You are the light of the world. If you put your light under a bushel basket, what difference will it make? Don’t worry about it.”
“You have heard me say, what God has joined together, and all that. I take it back. Divorce at will, but do try to be nice about it, and help your children to buck up.”
“You have heard me say that it’s not what goes into a man that makes him unclean, but what comes out of his heart, things like fornication, adultery, deceit, covetousness, murder, and so forth. Let’s not be so hasty. A man may fornicate, but that does not mean he is not a nice person. A man may betray his wife, steal his partner’s business, stab his neighbor to death, expose his neighbor’s child to lewdness, and lie under oath, but that does not mean he is not a nice person.”
“Be nice, even as your imaginary deity is nice.”
“When you pray, be not as the hypocrites, who go to Mass to celebrate as I have commanded them. I take back the command. Here’s how you are to pray:
Our friend in the sky, give us what we want, and stow what we don’t. Amen.
The Church, I’ve been hearing, has to change, if she is going to have any leverage with men and women of our time. What that means, of course, is that they would like a sexual permission slip. It’s the only thing they care about. What’s it to them, after all, if the Church does not change her teachings, even if she could? They don’t obey them anyway.
But perhaps they are setting their revisionary sights too low. Why change the Bride of Christ, when you might as well go for Christ Himself? Why trick out the bride in lingerie from Astarte’s Secret, you can put new words on the lips of the bridegroom, or give him a new interest?
“Blessed are the modestly well off, for theirs are the good schools and the suburbs.”
“Blessed are they who chuckle, for they need not give a damn.”
“Blessed are they who believe in themselves, for they shall cover the earth.”
“Blessed are they who scoff at righteousness, for they shall be less than hypocrites.”
“Blessed are the indifferent, for they shall be left alone.”
“Blessed are the sly of heart, for they shall see porn.”
“Blessed are the compromisers, for they shall win elections.”
“Blessed are they who persecute the righteous, for they shall be called the children of God.”
“Blessed are they who use my name to do as they please, to win the applause of men, while putting down the ignorant and faithful, for theirs are the good schools and the suburbs.”
“You are the salt of the earth. The salt never loses its savor, so don’t worry about it.”
“You are the light of the world. If you put your light under a bushel basket, what difference will it make? Don’t worry about it.”
“You have heard me say, what God has joined together, and all that. I take it back. Divorce at will, but do try to be nice about it, and help your children to buck up.”
“You have heard me say that it’s not what goes into a man that makes him unclean, but what comes out of his heart, things like fornication, adultery, deceit, covetousness, murder, and so forth. Let’s not be so hasty. A man may fornicate, but that does not mean he is not a nice person. A man may betray his wife, steal his partner’s business, stab his neighbor to death, expose his neighbor’s child to lewdness, and lie under oath, but that does not mean he is not a nice person.”
“Be nice, even as your imaginary deity is nice.”
“When you pray, be not as the hypocrites, who go to Mass to celebrate as I have commanded them. I take back the command. Here’s how you are to pray:
Our friend in the sky, give us what we want, and stow what we don’t. Amen.
Labels: Reformed Church
posted by jope @ March 27, 2015
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