Froot Loops Finally Changes Offensive Name To LGBTQ Loops

From America's Paper of Record:

BATTLE CREEK, MI—Amid public outcry, The Kellogg Company has finally removed the outdated cereal name Froot Loops, changing the sugary breakfast food's name to the more modern "LGBTQ Loops."

The move will at long last replace the controversial "Froot" with the more acceptable "LGBTQ."

"This was a long time coming," said a spokesperson. "When we introduced Froot Loops in 1963, Froot was an acceptable term. But times change, and humanity only gets more and more moral."

"We are sorry for all the hurt we have caused with the offensive term 'Froot' all these years."

The rainbow-colored cereal has long been the breakfast of choice for the LGBTQ community,  bravely showing its support for the movement with every diabetes-packed bite. Now, the name will finally reflect the stunningness and bravery of the major corporation.