Ask Sister Mary Martha

 

I don't know if Sister Mary Martha is really a nun, but she should be. Her motto: "Life is tough. Nuns are tougher. If you need advice, ask Sister Mary Martha. Just don't expect any sympathy."

Today's question was from a woman who wanted to get a tatoo of a scapular. What did Sister Mary Martha say? This:

"So let me get this straight. You're going to tattoo a scapular onto yourself, thus skirting the even minimal act of wearing one and the awareness of being deserving of heaven that might bring. You're going to run down to Inky's Tattoo Barn and burn one into your flesh like you're at the Lazy "C" Catholic Ranch and forget about it, except for questioning eyes at the beach. "What are they staring at?" you'll think to yourself. "Oh yeah, my scapular tattoo!" Then you'll dance off in your string bikini.

How happy this must make Our Blessed Mother! All mothers love it when their children run out and get a tattoo, after all. The Blessed Mother, the very symbol of purity, must be overjoyed.

The real question here is, should you really not deserve heaven in the final wash, how is God going to get that thing off of you? Because He is going to get it off you.

A scapular, by the way, is worn both front and back, so getting it off you stands to be really gruesome.

My advice: Don't do it. If you insist on doodling on the library book that is your body, just scribble " WWJD" on there. Maybe it will remind you not to get any more tattoos."